Lovers vs Friends

This is not a post about friends who don’t approve of our romantic partners. The use of 'vs' in the title in mainly for SEO purposes, not that friends and lovers should ever be in a competition.

I’ve been hearing more public people speak out about the importance of friendships, mainly in opposition to the importance we give to romantic relationships, which is very, very high. The renowned psychologist Esther Perel often says we are putting more than ever heavy expectations on our romantic partners. We expect them to be our lover, best friend, co-parent, admin partner, adventure companion and stable cuddly caregiver. Is this realistic and, most importantly, fair to that person?

Loneliness is an increasing problem. The feeling of belonging to a community has diluted over the past few decades almost to nothing. Coming from a place of awareness, we have to individually analyze where we're putting our emotional needs' fulfillment expectations.

Friendships can be fundamental to a healthy, full life! Friendships can provide what most of us seem to expect from one person only - needs that are divided between 2, 3 or 4 people at least! You might have the friend with whom you send texts throughout the day commenting on small things that are happening, the friend you meet for a drink on a Friday night that dares you to try out that new place and dance, the friend that you call when you’re in the midst of emotional chaos that helps you recenter yourself because they know you so well.

If you care to listen to Simon Sinek and Trevor Noah, go ahead and philosophize with them on this and other topics of life: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4CaXYUIQiW5xpTVJgXI7ir?si=985be402ce854295.

It has been within friendships built as a young adult, while simultaneously gaining awareness on the gaps on emotional needs that I’ve grown with (something we end up having to do sooner or later in our lives), that I have found great understanding and comfort, fun and playfulness, and free expression of emotions. This has allowed me to step into romantic relationships with a full heart.

So, remember, put your eggs in more than one basket. Let’s not make our romantic partners carry all those for us.